


That Warm Feeling A Drink Can Give You

by Vampyra142001



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Aliens, M/M, Not Beta Read, Prison Aunts and Uncles, They totally do the do it's just off screen, implied alien sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-20
Updated: 2011-09-20
Packaged: 2021-01-03 23:33:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21187829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampyra142001/pseuds/Vampyra142001
Summary: Pre-movie. Megamind learns that college kids are far more evil than he is when a pair of them slips something into his drink. Not a rape fic.





	That Warm Feeling A Drink Can Give You

That Warm Feeling a Drink Can Give You

By Kelli Dalton

Summary: Pre-movie. Megamind learns that college kids are far more evil than he is when a pair of them slips something into his drink. Not a rape fic.  
Pairings: Megamind/Metro Man  
Warnings: Aliens (duh), implied homo sex, un-beta’d (feel free to point out mistakes nicely)  
Rating: R (Do tell me if I need to bump it up)

After taking a long draught from his glass, Megamind frowned at its contents. He swirled the amber liquid and ice around a bit and, sure enough, a few grainy white specks settled to the bottom. Admittedly, he didn't look like his normal super villain self, in fact he looked human, but one would think that leather pants and spiked bracelets would discourage such pranks.

"That's what I get for drinking in a campus bar," he growled, pushing his way through the crowd of college kids to the bar.

He slammed his glass onto the counter to get the bartender's attention.

"What do you need, kid?" asked the barkeep.

"Call the cops. Someone's drugging people's drinks. And tell the owner Blue said so."

With that, he walked off, leaving the tainted alcohol and the concerned man behind as he headed towards the restrooms. He stopped at the payphone and held the receiver up to his ear, his left arm resting against the body of the payphone.

"Minion!" he yelled, not into the phone, but into the communicator on his wrist.

"Yes, Sir?" replied the communicator.

"I finished putting the brainbot station on the roof of Uncle Antony's bar. And Code: I've been poisoned. Come get me."

"Ah! Code: Go to the hospital!"

"It's not that kind of poison, someone slipped something into my drink. Now, come get me before I do something regrettable. I can't be sure what it was they gave me."

"You have the car, Sir. And the jet bike's not finished. Why don't you call a cab?"

"Sure, I'll have some cabby drop me off at the secret entrance to the Evil Lair."

Perspiration beaded on his forehead and he wiped it away with a peach-colored hand. He hadn't been sweating a moment ago.

"Just send the brainbots," Megamind ordered.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Last time you got drunk and called the brainbots, you got arrested for indecent exposure and taken back to prison in a certain someone's borrowed cape."

"We agreed never to bring that up again," he hissed. Now was definitely not the time to mention that misdeed.

"I'm calling Metro Man," the fish stated with a finality that Megamind dreaded. It wasn't often that Minion put his foot down, but there was no moving it once he did.

"Minion, don't you dare."

"You really don't have any other option."

"Minion!"

He was certain the fish was ignoring him by that point. Megamind hung up the receiver and stumbled out the back door, unaware of the two people following him.

* * *

Zipping between skyscrapers and over houses, Metro Man patrolled the nearly deserted streets. A metallic barking in the distance made him stop and search for the source. Unsurprisingly, two brainbots were headed straight for him. One was a projection-bot and the other was one of the ones designed to track him down. Trackers always had a smear of gold somewhere on their paint job.

"Now? I was just getting ready to go to bed," sighed the hero. "Can't he terrorize the city at a decent hour?"

The brainbots bowged at him.

"Get on with it then."

The projection-bot glanced around for a usable surface on the brick warehouses surrounding them until the tracker rolled its eye and held out Metro Man's pale cape.

Fully expecting to see Megamind's gloating face, Metro Man was a little thrown to see a panicked Minion on his cape.

"I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, Mr. Scott, but Sir is in trouble and I figured you'd be his best bet," the fish gushed.

"He's not drunk again is he?"

"No, he's been drugged and since we don't know what it was I didn't think sending brainbots would be a good idea."

"Probably not."

"Please, don't take Sir to prison. He wasn't doing anything wrong," pleaded Minion. Even if Megamind wasn't doing something wrong, Metro Man is fairly certain that the little blue villain was setting something up to be able to do something wrong in the future. It's not like Megamind would have have been out grocery shopping, civil trips like that are Minion's job.

"Okay, okay. Where is he?" sighs Metro Man. It has been a long day of issue after issue, most of which couldn't be solved with a punch, and so he's just exhausted mentally and physically. Invulnerability does not make one immune to the need for sleep.

* * *

When Metro Man arrived at Antony's Bar and Grill he noticed a man leaning heavily against a wall in the back alley. That in itself wouldn't be so unusual, being behind a bar and all, but the three glowing cubes on the ground and the odd gun dangling from the man's fingers were a good indicator of his identity.

"Oh, look, it's Metro MAHN. I bet if I'd been jaywalking you'd have been here ten minutes ago," sneered Megamind once he saw the hero hovering at the alley's entrance. He waved a hand at the cubes. "But you are too late to be the savior this time."

"What do you mean?"

"I saved myself Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. My would-be rapists and a mugger. I'm tempted to give the first two to my Uncle Antony."

"How do you know that's what they were?"

"Worried that I dehydrated innocent citizens?"

"It wouldn't be the first time. Evil has a very dry sense of humor."

Metro Man picked up the cubes, studying them.

"Evil also likes to talk and they were bragging about the date-rape drug they slipped me. But the Master of All Villainy is not so... I don't feel well." Megamind let his De-gun drop to the ground in favor of dragging his hands down his face. The larger man drifted closer, concerned.

"Leave me be, Adonis - Oops. That part wasn't supposed to be out loud," Megamind muttered.

"Adonis? Really?"

"I should think you'd be used to that comparison, what with all your mindless fans. And don't take anything too seriously, I'm currently on a heavy aphrodisiac and something that lowers one's inhibitions."

"So these guys wanted to rape you and make you like it?" Metro Man's fingers twitched, nearly crushing the cubes. Now that he is aware, he can smell the effects on Megamind. He isn't sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that whatever species Megamind is is close enough to human physiology for the drugs to work as intended and not be straight poison.

"You're not such the hero if you are thinking about hurting them. Maybe there is a dark side to you yet," mused the smaller alien.

Chuckling, Megamind scooped up his gun and stumbled past his rival.

"Where are you going? You're in no shape to walk home," pointed out Metro Man.

"Not home, the Evil Lair. And I can handle myself. My inhibitions have been lower, not removed." Somehow, the hero has little faith in Megamind's ability to complete that trip unaccosted. Villain or not, it wouldn't be Megamind starting the real trouble.

"Yeah and last time that happened you had brainbots flying you around naked. I can't imagine what you'd have them do this time."

At that, Megamind shuddered and nearly tripped over his own feet. "Oh, god, stop talking," moaned the rather distraught man. 

Yeah, that shouldn't have been the reaction Metro Man got. He was expecting irritated embarrassment, not a surge of lust at the mere mention of nudity.

"That's it, you're coming with me."

He tossed the villain over his shoulder and took to the skies, ignoring Megamind's protests. After several minutes of unsuccessful kicking and threatening, his passenger finally quieted down. Which would have been surprising since the man never really gave up on anything, but Metro Man realized that his cape had been pulled to the side allowing a certain pair of green eyes to ogle his ass. Megamind hadn't given up, he'd simply found something better to do.

Metro Man landed on his balcony and stepped into his room before setting Megamind down.

"Your parent's house?"

Megamind removed a fist-sized devise out of his pocket and turned a dial on it, causing his disguise to disappear.

"Why not? They're off on another cruise and you're less likely to destroy something you know isn't mine."

"I destroy public property all the time," pointed out Megamind. He had an evil image to uphold.

The villain gaped at the massive bed against one wall for a moment before pouncing on it.

"Still, try not to set off any paint bombs or anything. I'm gonna go see if the servants have a set of pajamas small enough for you. There's a spare bedroom through those doors and a bathroom, if you need it."

Metro Man decided to turn a blind eye to the blue man wallowing in his blankets and retreated from the room.

* * *

When he re-entered his room the mussed bed was empty and there were clicking noises from the spare bedroom. Around the corner, Megamind had the disassembled remains of a flashlight and a remote control car scattered across the room's desk. The car actually belonged on a shelf with some of Wayne's other childhood toys. What the pieces were being used to create looked suspiciously like a...

"Is that a vibrator?" Metro Man questioned. Thankfully, he didn't have any real attachment to his old toys. In fact, any decorations in any of the rooms where all choices of his mother and her interior decorator. Maybe they couldn't figure out how to decorate a hero's mundane spaces? He had better things to concern himself with than what covered his walls.

"Gah!" squawked Megamind. "Not all of us have super hearing."

"Sorry. So, is it?"

"You're imagining things. And what would a vanilla-coated hero know about something as DEVIant as a vibrator? Perhaps justice is too busy to serve and protect his girlfriend?"

"Well, maybe justice only protects the girl," replied Metro Man, falling into their banter patterns easily.

Megamind turned the office chair to face the larger man. There wasn't a scrap of clothing on his blue frame.

"You're not sleeping with Roxanne?"

"I'm not even dating her, we've always just been friends," Metro Man admitted, averting his eyes from the purple penis jutting towards him.

"That's a very... interesting piece of information." He turned back to his project, unaware or unconcerned that he had flashed his rival.

"I'm going to bed now," he informs Megamind, gesturing with a thumb back towards his room. Not that it appeared the blue man had heard him or cared.

Metro Man set the nearly forgotten pair of pajamas on the desk corner and retreated. He locked the door between their rooms, before changing into lounge pants and flopping bonelessly on his bed. Feathers puffed up around him, presumably from tears Megamind’s costume spikes had caused. To top it all off, he could hear humming and wet noises start beyond the locked door. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Sometime later, the moans and squelching sounds stopped abruptly, followed by a frustrated growl. Metro Man released the pillows pressed to his ears and glanced hopefully at the door. His face crumbled into a mixture of shock and exasperation as the distinct clicking of a lock being picked reached him.

"Tell you what - One round and then I get to sleep, okay?" said the tired hero, staring up at the ceiling.

"Deal," Megamind agreed, pouncing onto his savior.

* * *

The next morning Metro Man woke to Minion's voice calling from the communicator in the other room.

"Hey, Little Buddy, your fish wants to talk to you," he said, nudging the man curled up on his chest.

Megamind grumbled something even Metro Man couldn't make out, before tumbling gracelessly off the bed and limping towards his discarded clothes.

"Yes, I'm here Minion," yawned the villain.

"I was worried when neither of you contacted me last night."

"No need to worry, Metro MAHN came to the rescue."

"Where are you?"

Still trying to wake up, Metro Man stretched out on his bed. He frowned suddenly and reached down to remove the handmade vibrator from his ass.

"Scott Manor."

"Shall I send the brainbots?"

"Not yet, I think I'll stick around a little longer."

Large fingers rotated the sex toy as it was examined. All things considered, it had been well made and survived, perhaps for future use.

"Is the drug still affecting you, Sir?"

"No, it was just an inhibition loosener and an aphrodisiac. It wore off after a couple hours. No big deal."

Metro Man tossed the vibrator onto his nightstand with a shrug. It could only distract so much from the argument he could tell was coming in the other room.

"Aphrodisiac? You slept with Mr. Scott didn't you?" Minion sounded absolutely scandalized.

Megamind laughed nervously. "No, my main man, get out of town!"

"Oh, this is bad. This is bad - You can't have sex with Metro Man!"

"You are forgetting your place, Minion. Now, I'm going back to bed."

"And what happens the next time you start an evil plan?"

"The same thing that happens with every plan. It's called compartmentalizing. Honestly, did you forget how the game works?"

"No! Villains do not sleep with heroes!"

"We are both grown-ups. Mind your own business!"

"Sir! Sir, this is going to end badly!"

"Oh, what do you know?"

"I may not know much, but I do know this - The bad guy doesn't sleep with the good guy!"

"Hey, hey! Guys! Don't fight!" called Metro Man. "This isn't going to change anything."

"What about Ms. Ritchie?" Minion prompted.

"I'm not dating her."

"I know that. What will you do when she finds out?"

"We tell the truth, but I don't think we'll have to worry for quite a while," said Metro Man, waving a careless hand that neither of them could see.

"Really? You don't give her much credit," Megamind interjected.

* * *

Tied to her usual chair, Roxanne Ritchie lazily watched as Metro Man dismantled yet another of Megamind's failed attempts to crush him in some diabolical machine. She frowned as they bantered back and forth.

"Question!" she interrupted, drawing the attention of both men. "Are you two going at it like bunnies, or what?"

Metro Man gasped in shock. They hadn't went on any fake dates or anything where she could have gleaned information from him. Outside of a single interview, they hadn't talked at all. And it wasn't like she had some sort of psychic powers, though he seriously wondered if she'd developed some spontaneously.

"What are you going on about, Ms. Ritchie? Minion, check the date on the spray. Clearly, something is wrong with her," said the villain quickly.

"Oh, give it up Megamind, I can see that you have a slight limp."

"Uh, a brainbot bit me on the leg."

"You guys' banter is more flirtatious than usual and I know how Wayne is."

"Ha! I told you she'd figure it out on the first kidnapping! You owe me five hundred metroneros, Metro Man!" And this is precisely why Megamind had chosen to not broadcast this villainous kidnapping.

**Author's Note:**

> Stole a few moments out of the movie and twisted them for my own use. And after this I can totally see Roxanne poking fun at them every chance she gets. It kinda puts a new spin on the "Girls, girls! You're both pretty!" scene, doesn't it?
> 
> Oh, and though I didn’t specify in this fic, I tend to lean towards Megs having retractable genitals, but I have no preference on what form they take. Phallus, tentacles, whatever.
> 
> For the original post: https://megamind-movie.livejournal.com/1236989.html


End file.
